The Great Time Lord Immortal Stare Down Contest
by cheri1
Summary: 10Rose with some Jack Harkness thrown in. Jack spends some time on the TARDIS and ends up engaged in a ferocious staring contest with the Doctor much to Rose's chagrin. One Shot.


It was a pleasant morning (or what passed for morning) on the TARDIS. Rose woke at her usual time eager to begin an exciting new day with the Doctor. Even more exciting, Jack had decided to spend his vacation traveling with them. Rose was glad to see him. He was one of her closest friends now and she had missed him. She knew the Doctor was jealous of their friendship, but he had no reason to be. She loved him and him only and nothing would ever change that.

She headed towards the kitchen eager to get some food into her growling stomach. As she entered the kitchen, she paused. Jack and the Doctor were sitting across from each other at the kitchen table staring at one another intently.

"Um, good morning, Doctor, Jack."

"Good morning, Rose." They said in unison as they continued to stare at one another.

Rose walked over to them.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"We're having a stare down contest." The Doctor replied gazing at Jack intently.

Rose raised her eyebrow.

"Why?" she asked.

"Because Jack had the sheer gall to say he was better than me." The Doctor replied.

"I am better than you."

The Doctor snorted.

"So, the two of you decided to act like a pair of infants and have a stupid stare down contest then?"

"He started it!" the Doctor said not taking his eyes off Jack.

"No, you did."

"I did not. You were the one who dared to insinuate that your immortality makes you superior to me."

"It does!"

"It does not. I am a Time Lord. One of the most ancient and revered races in the universe."

"Time Lord Schmime Lord, your race is overrated!"

"It is not!"

"Not to mention your people dress like a bunch of pansies with those foo-foo robes and the skullcaps and those dippy things sticking up behind your head. Makes me wonder if you guys had any mirrors on Gallifrey!"

"Oh yeah, well, at least my people didn't go around sporting mullets and wearing daisy dukes with enormous beer guts hanging over them."

Keeping his eyes on the Doctor, Jack gestured to himself.

"And do you see me sporting any of that?" he said.

"No."

"Well, then."

"Do you see me wearing foo-foo robes, as you call them?"

"No, but I bet you wore them at one point, didn't ya?"

The Doctor remained silent.

"Yeah, you did, didn't you? You wore that dippy looking outfit!"

"Only when I had to." The Doctor sniffed.

Jack snorted.

"Yeah, right, you probably prance around wearing it when no one's looking."

"I do not!"

Rose sighed.

"Anyway, I'm going to fix me something to eat and go watch something on telly. You two sit here and act like idiots."

"Okey-dokey, Rose, have fun." The Doctor said cheerfully.

Rose rolled her eyes. She headed to the fridge and rummaged around in it while the Doctor and Jack continued to stare each other down. She pulled out a turkey sandwich from the night before and poured herself a glass of milk. She gave Jack and the Doctor one last exasperated look before heading out the door towards the den. She entered the den, sat her food down on the coffee table and began looking through her DVDs trying to find something to watch. She selected Lord of the Rings, Return of the King, popped it in and settled into the couch.

(Three and a half hours later….)

"Ah," Rose said as the credits began to roll. "Love that movie so much."

She smiled to herself as she got up.

"Too bad there isn't really a Middle Earth; I would love to visit it with the Doctor." She mused as she took the DVD out and put it back in its case.

Picking up her empty plate and glass, she headed back to the kitchen. When she reached the door, she stopped. Her jaw dropped open when she saw Jack and the Doctor sitting at the kitchen table still staring at each other. In disbelief, she walked over and stared down at them.

"Hey, Rosebud, you enjoy your show?" the Doctor asked, not taking his eyes off Jack.

"You…you mean you're still going at it?"

"Yup." The Doctor replied. "I'm determined to win this little contest, no matter what!"

"Same here." Jack replied.

"I just got done watching Lord of the Rings. It's over 3 hours long!"

"Oh, has it been that long?" the Doctor said. "I hadn't noticed."

Rose sighed and shook her head. She walked over to the sink and dumped her dishes into it. She turned and leaned back against the counter watching Jack and the Doctor as they stared at each other silently.

"So, you're just gonna sit here until one of you blinks, is that it?" she asked them.

"Yup!" they both said in unison.

Rose rolled her eyes.

"I swear to God, little toddlers are more mature than you two." She muttered as she turned back around.

As she looked down at the counter, she noticed a salt and pepper pot sitting there. She glanced back at the Doctor and smirked as she shook out some pepper into her hand. Slowly, she walked over to the Doctor, leaned down and blew the pepper directly into his face. She leaned back up and watched as the Doctor's face scrunched up.

"Ah…ah….ah….ah-CHOOOOOO!" the Doctor sneezed.

Rose's mouth dropped open and her eyes widened in shock.

"You…you just sneezed with your eyes wide open!" she said in disbelief. "I thought no one was able to do that."

"Humans can't, but I can. It's one of the many wonderful things Time Lords can do." The Doctor explained.

He leaned in slightly and gave a pointed look to Jack.

"This illustrates once again why my race is superior to yours." He said.

"Big deal, so you can sneeze with your eyes open. At least when I die and come back, I don't have to go get my driver's license updated with a new photo." He said.

Rose shook her head. She walked back to the sink and turned the water on. As she started to wash her dishes, she heard the Doctor clear his throat.

"Um, I just have to ask something, Rosebud." She heard him say. "See, I realize I'm over 900 years old now and I'm probably on the verge of senility, but I just can't help but notice that you just blew pepper into my face. Now, I have been sitting here staring at Jack and trying to fathom a reason for your behavior and all I can think of is you wanted me to blink and lose the contest. But, that just can't be it because you and I are the bestest buddies in the whole universe and you love me tons and you support me in anything I do. Isn't that right, crumb cake?"

"No."

"No!" the Doctor said shocked as Jack laughed. "No, what you mean, no? You mean you really did want me to lose?"

"I want you to stop this stupid contest." Rose said turning to him. "You keep telling me all the time how immature humans are and how superior you are and yet here you are in a staring contest. So, who is the immature one, huh?"

"She's got you there."

"Shut up, Harkness!"

"You notice Rose didn't blow pepper in my face. Guess this supports my theory that she likes me better than you."

"P'eh, dream on, Jack. Rose and I are like two peas in a pod, Mutt and Jeff, Shiver and Shake, Laurel and Hardy, Monty and Python, Little and Britain, Most and Haunted, The and Office---"

"Dumb and Dumber." Rose said.

"You're not dumb, Rose." The Doctor said.

"I'm talking about you two."

"Hey, don't include me in this." Jack said. "I didn't say a word."

"No, but you're the one sitting on your arse staring at an alien. That alone makes you an idiot."

"Is she on the rag or something?" Jack asked the Doctor.

"Beats me. She gets in these little snits from time to time. Usually if you throw a box of chocolate her way and leave her alone for a few hours, she gets over it."

"Arrrrgh!" Rose said, throwing up her hands.

She stomped out of the room.

"Do we have any chocolate in the TARDIS for Rose?" Jack asked the Doctor.

"Ummmmm, dunno, we might have to land somewhere and get some." The Doctor replied.

"Okay, you go land somewhere and I'll get the chocolate."

"Oh no, you don't! I'm not budging an inch until I win this stare down." The Doctor said.

"Well, I'm not moving either." Jack replied.

They leaned in and stared at each other intently as the minutes ticked away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rose slowly opened her eyes and smacked her lips. It had been a couple of hours since she had gone to bed and she needed to use the bathroom. She rose, slipped a robe on and headed out the door noticing on the way out that her clock read 1:05 A.M.

On the way to the bathroom, she had a thought. She went past the bathroom towards the kitchen. Glancing inside, she sighed softly when she saw the Doctor and Jack were still sitting at the table, staring at each other intently. Shaking her head, she came in the room.

"Jesus, your eyeballs must be drier than the Sahara now." She said as she walked up to the table.

"Yeah, actually, they are." The Doctor said. "Could you be a dear and fetch some eye drops or something and put them in our eyes? We need to keep going."

Rose let out an exasperated sigh.

"How long are ya gonna keep this up?" she asked wearily.

"Until I win." The Doctor said.

"No, until I win." Jack said.

Rose stared at them both. As she looked at the Doctor, she suddenly had an idea. A grin spread over her face as she fell onto her knees, stuck her head under the table and kissed the bulge in the Doctor's pants. She quickly jerked her head away when the Doctor jumped.

"BLOODY HELL, ROSE!" she heard him scream. "WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?"

"YES! GOOD ONE ROSE! HE BLINKED! I WON!" Jack screamed in triumph.

Rose stood back up. She smiled sweetly at the Doctor.

"There, the contest is over, you can go to bed now." She said.

Ignoring the look of death the Doctor was giving her, she turned and walked back out the kitchen door to the bathroom as Jack whooped and shouted behind her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rose sighed contentedly as she snuggled back under the covers. In no time at all, she was fast asleep. As she slept peacefully, she was unaware that her bedroom door was slowly opening and someone was coming into her room. She was blissfully unaware of her covers being raised up and her hand slowly being lowered into a bowl of warm water. She dreamed on little knowing that her bladder was now responding to the warm water and was pushing out the urine inside it. She snored softly as a huge wet puddle soaked the area around her legs and the mysterious figure left the room chuckling to himself.

(The next morning…)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGH!

The Doctor smirked as he put his spoon into his bowl of cereal and lifted a spoonful of Lucky Charms to his mouth. Jack, who was sitting across from him, raised his eyebrow.

"Shouldn't you be running and hiding?" he asked.

"Nah, Rose wouldn't do anything to me. I'm her soul mate. She will forgive me for what I've done just as soon as I flash her my dazzling little smile."

They looked over, as Rose appeared in the doorway, red-faced and glaring at the Doctor. The Doctor looked at Jack, and then he looked at Rose and flashed him his million-dollar smile. It was promptly smacked off his face as Rose ran over and laid into him.

"THE NEXT TIME YOU DO THAT, DOCTOR, I WILL KILL YOU AND KILL YOU AND KILL YOU UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD! GOT THAT?" she screamed.

The Doctor was taken aback. Jack snickered as he rubbed his sore cheek and stared up at her in shock.

"GOT THAT?" Rose repeated when he didn't respond.

The Doctor nodded silently.

"GOOD!"

Without another word, Rose turned on her heel and stomped out of the room, muttering angrily to herself. The Doctor glanced at Jack.

"You know, a box of chocolate doesn't sound like such a bad idea now." He said. "Maybe we should make a chocolate run."

"Yeah, "Jack said. "But if I were you, I'd also go for a rose bouquet run and a diamond ring run and an expensive dinner run and a---"

"Okay, okay, I get the idea." The Doctor said standing.

He walked to the door and looked back at him.

"You won by forfeit." He said to him. "If it hadn't been for Rose, I would have triumphed over you."

"Oh, you think so, huh?"

"I know so."

Jack slammed his fist down on the table.

"A rematch then!" he said. "Unless you're scared."

"Me? I'm not afraid of anything!"

"Well, get over here then."

"Um, I have to make the chocolate run first."

Jack paused.

"Oh yeah," he said. "Okay, you placate Rose and when that's over with, IT IS ON!"

"You just sit there. I won't be long, Immortal Boy."

"I'll be waiting, Time Pansy!" Jack replied as he went out the door.

"I am not a pansy!" he heard the Doctor call back.

"Yeah you are, you wear those little foo-foo robes of yours when you think no one's looking!"

"You are dead, Harkness!" the Doctor cried out. "And trust me, you will die! If anyone can figure out a way to kill you, it'll be me."

"Oh, I'm trembling in my boots, Doctor! Just finish the chocolate run and get your ass back here!" Jack bellowed out. "I can't wait to gloat over your defeat!"

He chuckled to himself as he leaned back in his chair and waited for his opponent to return to the battle.


End file.
